London Callin'...!

Armed with the love of the Motherland!

Armed with the love of the Motherland, I’m back. London’s been calling, but unfortunately, I don’t live by no river. Home, however, is where the heart is. It will take me some time to adjust to it, but it feels good to jump from the bosom of Mama India, straight into the bosom of my own Mama. A year is long time to be away. It made me realise that you can’t always get what you want in life, even when you fight for it. And I did fight. I faced a battle with the Indian authorities and finally, because of my inability to back down, they gave in and gave me what I wanted. Yet my gut instinct tells me that this was not really what I wanted, but only what I thought I wanted… So we’re back to the same pivotal point: that you don’t always get what you want!

I remember writing this blog just before I left for the Indian subcontinent. Full of hopes, dreams, fantasies, devoid of expectation, no idea and completely clueless as to the journey I was about to embark. It all feels so far away now - predominantly because I have detached myself from that memory and that feeling. It is not easy to come back, so what’s the point in looking back when the best thing you can do to move on is look forwards?

My memory of India, passed just moments away, feels like it all took place eons ago. I do not want to wallow in thoughts of India. It makes me feel sad. It removes me from the present moment, it rips me out of the now. And if Mother India has taught me something, it has to be this. Because if we are not here in the present moment, living each second as it passes us by, then we are wasting away our lives and missing out on connecting with the people we love.

Samsara…
…is not physical. It is a state of mind. I am realising this as the plane touches down and lands on British soil. I cannot see the grey clouds or hear the howling wind and I do not feel the rain. On the train home, I see the freshness of the English countryside. I’d forgotten how green England had been. The rain splatters against the window and I marvel at the amazing train service! I’d also forgotten that trains in the UK run a fairly efficient service. In fact I was almost ready to fight my way on to make sure I got a seat. There was no fighting through a sea of bodies to buy train ticket and I didn’t need to run anxiously through crowds alike a headless chicken to find out which platform. An orderly queue of well-behaved British citizens, some even willing to help me with my suitcase, replaced instead the insanity of the Indian railway service with its crowds that punch, kick, wail and shout their way onto the train. Do I miss it? Yes. But I’m also appreciating where I am right now. So it doesn’t matter where you are. And to me, this is a great comfort.

Thoughts of the day…
“Six realms of existence are identified in Buddhism: gods, demigods, humans, animals, hungry ghosts, and hells. Each is the result of one of the six main negative emotions: pride, jealousy, desire, ignorance, greed, and anger.

Looking at the world around us, and into our own minds, we can see that the six realms definitely do exist. They exist in the way we unconsciously allow our negative emotions to project and crystallize entire realms around us, and to define the style, form, flavour, and context of our life in those realms.

And they exist also inwardly as the different seeds of the various negative emotions within our psychophysical system, are always ready to germinate and grow, depending on what influences them and how we choose to live.

All beings have lived and died and been reborn countless times. Over and over again they have experienced the indescribable Clear Light. But because they are obscured by the darkness of ignorance, they wander endlessly in a limitless samsara.”
Padmasambhava

Home is where the heart is...
Or so they say. Home is where I lay my hat and this time, I lay my hat at home, back in the UK. In between cold sweats, I shivered insanely under three heavy duvets, my bones ached, my back hurt, my head exploded. It felt like another bout of the Typhoid I’d caught in India a few months ago. Thanks to mummy love, I’m back on the mend. I have my space, no one bothers me, I can hibernate in peace, I get fed and I can catch up on all the latest family gossip. What better welcome could I possibly wish for than this? Today, I walked downstairs and laughed when I saw three generations of my family - Grandfather, father and grandson, sitting in the living room: Granddad intently watching the news as if he could hear every word; dad asleep by the fire and son on the phone at the breakfast table. It was bliss to see. I’ve missed this and I realised that I have missed a lot over the years that I have been away. Good grounding time is here. It’s good to be home.