I make a crap tourist

I do. In Jaipur. Can’t deal with looking at buildings all day. Went to the Amber Fort, and it looked like a, erm, fort. It was big. Didn’t want to look at anymore buildings so spent most of the following afternoon sitting on the white-cushioned floor of a tiny shop near Hawa Mahal with an Italian gemstones dealer. We decided on my character before we got there, so told them I don’t speak Hindi, I’m half white and my husband is in Europe. I use Hindi only when I need to use it because it’s not always the best thing for me. I’ve tried the experiment of ditching the piercings and combat-dress style clothing for a simple salwaar kameez, Nazreen styleee. But guess what? It doesn’t matter, the fact that I am woman travelling alone is enough.

The guy’s been dealing in gems for a good couple of decades. I went along to keep my mouth shut and listen in on the conversation. We sipped tea and examined stones and waited in patience for the next broker to come along and impress us with something. These guys are like underwriters. They say the stones have been tested by a lab, but this is not always the case, and even if it as, there is no way you will ever get the perfect stone without running into six figures. So called “fish” marks mean it’s not as good as it could be. My Italian friend found what he was looking for and refused to purchase right until the last minute when they could take no more, and then the deal was done. No problemo!

Everyone tries to shake your hand, all the men that is, but I usually ignore them or respond with a polite Namaste or tell them in Hindi that I come from the sky whenever they try to find out who I am and where I come from. “Aasmaan se aiy hain” seems to work quite well, it gives them a laugh. For me, Jaipur was full of money makers and perverts. I didn’t feel like being a tourist in this town. The people here like to suffer fools too gladly for my liking, everyone so evidently out to make a quick buck out of tourists and then tourists walking around like lambs who have no idea about the slaughter! MI Road is full of international backpackers and that’s where I stayed, mainly because it was central. It was nice to be in the hostel and I had fun with some cool people who were there on business. In fact everyone in Jaipur seemed to be there on business, the regulars linking up at the same hotel. In fact they seem to be having fun at the same time, travelling, making money, meeting people. Sounds good eh? I’d go back, but only if it made good business sense!