INDIA, INDIA, INDIA... THANK YOU MOTHER INDIA!

INDIA, INDIA, INDIA... THANK YOU MOTHER INDIA!
I love you India. Thank you for sending the most amazing people my way; for the incredible places I've seen and the experiences that I won't ever forget... I have felt the exhilaration, the happiness, the joy. Like an alarm clock, India has woken me up, introduced to me a new level of consciousness and awareness while illustrating to me and teaching me of the exasperation, the sadness, the misery, the frustration, the anger, the unfairness, the bureaucracy, the exploitation, the despicable elite, the pitiable poor, the bribes and the baksheesh. It's easy to lose the plot yet over time, I've learnt to roll with it and laugh instead both at and with the trains, the crowds, the noise, the cows, the monkeys, the autos, the rickshaws, the chaos, the hassles, the touts, the anarchy! Thank you too for the Bollywood nights, blinged-up Delhi-ites and the contrasts of life as seen amongst the humble and hardworking people of the mountains, the deserts, the arid landscapes, the jungles and the Himalayan horizons. Magical moments abound everywhere I looked with camels, elephants, holy rivers, freaky babas, spooky sadhus, mesmerising mosques, and the wonderful serenity of those incredible temples! Thank you for showing me the shanti, for giving me full power to continue this journey with positive energy...

It's another world is India and not one that we can all adjust to so easily, so thankyou for teaching me to love and accept at times, the way of the world, because India is a world unto itself and if you can live through India, you will feel armed with the love of the Motherland for life.

So there is no doubt that I will miss the decrepit hotels, annoying mosquitos, sweltering heat, three-legged dogs, the invalids, lepers, hermaphrodites and eunuchs. Himalaya skin products and Ayurvedic beauty treatments rock by the way, although excruciating leg waxes and Shilpa Shetty obsessed Delhi hairdressers do not! The random justice system is laughable yet the decriminalisation of gay relationships was a feat in the history of Indian political rule. What a kaleidoscopic vista of the colours of life! And as Mark Tully has already said, in India, there are no fullstops.

Indian anecdotes and useful vocabulary

Which way is the post office?
“yes!”
Left or right?
“Yes!”
Black or white?
“Yes!”
curry or rice?
“Yes!”

24 hour, no power no shower!
What to do? (always spoken with Indian accent)
Come my shop!
Chillum, chai, chapati, chalo Parvati!
Same same but different!
Full power!
Two chapati, five rupee!
Chapal kao? (want to eat my flip-flop?)
haramzadhe! (bastard!)
Behan chaudh (sister fucker)
Ma chaudh (mother fucker)
Izat seh baul (speak with respect)
Mazaak kartey hu, na? (you are joking, no?)
kitna hai? (how much?)
Meri pathni (my wife)
Mera pathi (my husband)
Kya baath hai! (wow!)
Kya baath hai? (what's the matter? / what's up?)
kya koobsurat hai! (how beautiful!)
acha hai (it's good)
acha nahin (it's not good)
acha (okay or I agree)
a-chaaaa! (oh right! I see!)
hum tourist nahin, traveller hoo (I'm not a tourist, I'm a traveller)
tourist price muth bathao (don't give me tourist price)
Namaste, salam-a-lekum, sat-sri-akal! (hello in Hindi, Arabic and Punjabi)